Julie Smith Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? is a fantastic primer to therapeutic, psychological tools taught in counseling sessions. The author organizes the book thematically, organizing techniques under eight section headings:

1. On Dark Places
2. On Motivation
3. On Emotional Pain
4. On Grief
5. On Self-Doubt
6. On Fear
7. On Stress
8. On a Meaningful Life

All of these sections have techniques that–one way or another–I’ve managed to incorporate into my own life. I think that I can thank two years of therapy for this; some things my therapist coached me on directly, other things were taught indirectly, through little practices, prodding, and prompting that helped me find my way over time.

The section that I learned the most from was “On Self-Doubt.” This section has all kinds of fascinating segments on reframing the way we see the world and our own place in them. Even so, I think the most useful section for serious progress in mental health is the final section, “On a Meaningful Life.”

I am of the view that depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues experienced by neurotics like me are signals that our minds are trying to tell us something. This may not be the case for situations requiring more serious intervention, like personality disorders, but it seems to be a good rule of thumb for various neurotic clusters of symptoms. Depression, for instance, might be better understood as a good old “spiritual crisis.” I don’t mean this in a religious sense. Instead, depression is ultimately a breakdown in our ability to generate meaning in our own life. Other neurotic symptoms also emerge out of this very breakdown.

“On a Meaningful Life” gives us readers strategies to think clearly about what matters most to us, and then we can use our larger values to align our actions with what we really want. This “re-chunking” and explicit organization of values has been especially important to me in navigating my way out of a real, serious identity crisis, and I suspect it will be useful to other readers as well.

One thing that Smith emphasizes, and I will reiterate here, is that it is incredibly difficult to delineate the values that we–as individuals–define for ourselves, especially when so much of our lives have been defined by others. Even so, I won’t go so far to say that the views of others don’t matter. I don’t believe that we can ever wholly define our own sense of self: instead, our “selfhood” comes from some psychic negotiation between our own cognitive “interface” and that which is expecected from those outside of “I.” Nevertheless, we have to take stock of what we believe–or think we belief–and attempt to live in alignment with it. When we find a disconnect, we can always refine our own values and adjust our lifestyles to better suit who we want to become.

There is one major weakness in the book: that “relationships” doesn’t get an entire section. While there are frequent references to the need for close relationships and connection, just as there is a need for exercise, good sleep, and so on, there is only one chapter dedicated to relationships as a concept, and it falls under the section on living a meaningful life. I think this undersells the importance of human connection to good mental health, and managing relationships takes serious work. I wish that there was a cluster of chapters dedicated to this topic, rather than complete coverage of it being dedicated to one lengthier-than-average chapter.

This book is not one to be read from cover to cover, as I read it. While you can follow in my footsteps, I would urge would-be readers to purchase their own copy (rather than rely on a three-week library loan) and dive into chapters as necessary. For those experiencing the death of a loved one, it might be helpful to spend time going back over the chapters in “On Grief” multiple times. For those dealing with bouts of recurrent anxiety, it’s worth re-reading the chapters “On Fear.” For those going through a period finding challenges in accomplishing goals, “On Motivation” will be there waiting for you to revisit it. Such a way of reading this book will be much more useful in putting the tools to use than simply consuming the content on one read.

For anyone wanting to dive deeper, Smith has provided an extensive bibliography of reliable sources. More importantly, I’d urge readers who want to put these tools into practice to book weekly therapy sessions where they can work directly with a professional. It has made an enormous difference to me, and it might do the same for you.