On Self-Confidence

Charles Pépin’s Self-Confidence is a deceptively simple little book that offers a theory of self-confidence at once theoretical and practical. In his view, self-confidence doesn’t come wholly from within; it has three dimensions. The first is trust in others — quite different from how we usually think of it. Rather than looking only to ourselves, we have to have faith that others mean well by us and that we can learn from them. The second does come from within, and there are many ways to build it: learn a craft, play a sport, socialize and discover what good conversationalists we actually are. It’s not enough to believe in ourselves; we have to do something constructive that adds to the world, so that, looking back at what we’ve made, we can see that it came from within. The third is faith in the world — a big one, and it suggests that self-confidence runs inversely to cynicism. If you assume the world is cruel and hostile, you’re less willing to risk a mistake; if you approach it expecting most people to be charitable, forgiving, and well-intentioned, you can fail without taking it too hard. That relationship between outside and inside is crucial.

As he works through each facet, Pépin offers anecdotes and practical advice: surround yourself with generous people; take up a craft like pottery or carpentry or mechanics; try new things and step just slightly out of your comfort zone, returning to it after a long day of adventure. Throughout, he has the voice of a warm, fatherly, nurturing figure, urging us toward the best versions of ourselves and a growth mindset — to meet the world as learners and accept the flow of things. The book touched me; it was what I needed to hear in the moment, and it won’t take you long to read.